Grail | February Flashes

“Y

our mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries.”

For once there was silence in the House of Commons. No jeering. No booing. No ‘rwaaahhh’ noises.

Nobody was quite sure if the right honourable member for Worton South was quoting Monty Python as a joke, or if he was slurring the lineage of the Prime Minister.

“Ordair…” Mr Speaker called. “The right honourable member will retract that statement.” He did.

The right honourable member for Silbury Court stood up.
“I would like to ask the prime minister when he is going to bring us… A shrubbery!” The prime minister answered.
“Well I can ask him, but I don’t think he’ll be very keen. He’s already got one you see.”
“What did he say?”
“He says he’s already got one!”

I was less concerned about the shrubbery and more concerned that the prime minister was talking about himself in the third person. Bollocks? Expected. But this was new.

The chamber doors burst open. Nigel Taggart, leader of the much hated Daily Mail party, ran in. He was wearing a cape thing and a turban. Being a racist as usual?

“Troooool…. Trooool in the dungeon! I thought you might like to know.” He then pretended to faint.

Ahhh. That was it. He’d gotten the wrong movie.

I still didn’t understand what was actually going on though.

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The February flashes are a series of micro/flash fictions being released (sparodically) throughout February. If you’re interested in longer stuff, feel free to check out the selection below. I also do non-fiction, more of which will be coming soon.

The Myth Of A Myth | Cottage By The Sea | Thorpe Of Prestatyn | The Death Of Kings