Lawrence Sole


As he was shown up the sparse, unsightly Reichel corridor and into the dorm room, Lawrence looked about at his surroundings. He had never been in this building before and he was not impressed by what he saw. All the paint was peeling and the whole building reeked from top to toe of neglected old fashionedness. There were dark stains on the once white but now yellow asbestos tiled ceilings and each door he passed through was so rotten and so rusted at the hinges that they almost refused to open. Even the dorm room he found himself entering was old fashioned to an extreme degree. It had no bathroom of its own, unlike the rooms in all the others halls, and instead it had only a mangy green sink with dripping bronze taps, piled high with lotions and other hygiene products, in the corner by the window. The custard coloured walls looked uncomfortable and unhomely, even covered with many posters of rock bands and oiled up hunks and various charts. At the back there was a small window flanked by an open pair of grubby curtains but even from the doorway Lawrence could tell that it was just a thin, single pane of glass set into a crumbling frame. It rattled and shuddered from the force of the blizzard outside but despite its fragile appearance never once did Lawrence fear that it might shatter and blanket the room in cold snow from the tempest outside. Never once did he think it might break.

The sight of the room did nothing to calm Lawrence’s nerves. As he removed his snow covered, soaking shoes and left them by the door he kept one eye on his companion, Neil, who was busy removing his jacket and scarf, and he contemplated running, back out into the snow and the blizzard and all the way back home to Hill street. It wasn’t too late to back away. It wasn’t too late to say ‘no’ to any of this.

Neil turned and smiled meekly. Lawrence smiled back.
“You taking your coat off?” he asked, sliding over and taking hold of Lawrence’s scarf, slipping it away from around his neck and out from under his cold, partially sodden lumberjack style beard. Neil dropped it to the floor without a care and then leaned forwards, reaching for a bare section of Lawrence’s cheek and planting a soft tender kiss upon it. To Lawrence, who was so used to kissing women, it felt strange and uncomfortable and wrong but at the same time it was also exciting and so new and so… Different! Lawrence, unsure of how to feel, decided he wanted more of it. He wanted to go deeper down the rabbit hole so he turned his head back towards Neil and then leaned forwards and locked his lips with those of his companion. Their tongues lashed and it felt so wrong but Lawrence couldn’t help himself. He had to go on and keep kissing for as long as was possible. It was wrong but at the same time it was so incredible, so fantastic and so empowering. It was something he had to keep doing.

It was over all too soon and the two men parted, panting for breath and both wanting more.
“If we do this… I don’t want to do anything… You know…” Lawrence said quietly.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Neil grinned, kissing him again on the lips, albeit only briefly this time.
“I mean… You know… sort of… up the bum,” Lawrence answered sheepishly. Neil pulled back and laughed as Lawrence finally removed his coat and neatly folded it over a nearby chair.
“It’s alright,” Neil returned and gripped Lawrence around the waist with one arm. “It doesn’t hurt if you do it right… If you just relax and start small…” His fingers began to play around the edge of Lawrence’s pants and then, very slowly, his hand slid itself down into the darkness and began to gently caress the cheeks of his buttocks. It lasted a minute and then Neil did something that Lawrence was not expecting. He felt a single finger working its way up his crack and feeling his hole and then… Lawrence gasped and Neil bit his smiling lip.
“Like it?” Neil asked. Lawrence felt himself stirring as a second finger started to make its way to his hole. This time, as it wormed its way in, he let out a pleasurable cry and relaxed, allowing the intruders to push further into him. Neil’s mouth twitched into a beam.
“See… I knew you’d like it!”

Lawrence’s owns hands, which had until this point hung nervously by his sides, now moved and they moved towards Neil’s crotch. They gripped and took hold of the large, throbbing bulge which he pulled and squeezed and which made Neil give a groan of satisfaction. With his free hand Neil took hold of Lawrence’s squeezing fingers and manoeuvred him into his pants where he found himself grabbing hold of the warm flesh within. Lawrence took hold with a squeeze. The slithering snake within his grasp grew harder and Lawrence slid his fingers along it, feeling every curve and every bump and every bit of flesh… And he liked it… He liked what he was doing… He liked holding it and feeling it and he wanted to do more…

And then his mind quite suddenly fixated on Marie… He thought of Marie and she stayed there. They were good friends and he found her very attractive. He found her attractive enough that he had been working up the courage to ask her out and he had it on good authority, from her best friend, that she quite liked him in return. When Lawrence considered Marie he could imagine the two of them spending the rest of their lives together. He could see themselves walking hand in hand along the sands of Abermenai point, running into the surf and then running back as a huge wave came, falling into the surf and kissing as the waters crashed around them. He pictured them growing old together, sat on the terrace of a house by the shore, sipping cocktails as the sun set over the sea. All his thoughts concerning her were pure and as his fingers continued to caress the snake in his grasp, as Neil’s fingers continued to probe his behind, he came to the conclusion that she was the only person for him in the entire world. There was nobody else, nobody he wanted to be with, nobody else he wanted to hold and nobody else he could ever love. There was only Marie.

He released his grip from around the slithering, hardening snake and pulled his hand away from Neil’s pants. Then he placed a hand on his chest and indicated for him to stop. Neil obliged and Lawrence, with great relief, felt the two fingers gently seeping away from his crack. Neil stepped away to the sink and Lawrence watched him, with sadness, as he rinsed his fingers under the tap. He was tempted to leave right away but he had to explain things first. He had to explain about Marie and that he didn’t want to do this. He had been nervous and unsure about it at first but now he was certain. This wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted Marie and only Marie, not Neil.

He picked his scarf up from the floor and was about to reach for his coat when Neil turned around and swiftly despatched the scarf to the chair, not realizing that Lawrence was intending to leave. Seconds later he had knelt down on the floor and was unzipping the fly of Lawrence’s pants. Lawrence wanted to say something, make him stop, but his mouth was suddenly dry and no words came forth. Very quickly his pants were around his ankles and Neil was firmly pressing himself against his boxer shorts, wrapping his palms around the rim and lowering them to join the pants on the floor. Lawrence wanted to call out, make him stop, but he couldn’t. His throat was numb and he couldn’t utter a single word of reproach. He tried to push Neil away but his arms had become weak and before he knew it he was being held around the crotch and then…

Neil consumed him whole and Lawrence felt himself stiffen under the grip of the lips that closed over him. He couldn’t help it… He didn’t want it to happen but it did. And worse, he liked it. He liked the way it felt and the way in which Neil was so sensual and so careful not to bite him. He wanted it to continue… He wanted it to stop. He tried to think of something, anything that might halt the stiffening but nothing did the trick. A friend of his in high school had once claimed that the best tactic for reducing unwanted stiffness was to imagine a troop of naked pensioners, all wrinkled and saggy, doing the hokey kokey in the middle of a snow storm, akin the one outside. But that was no good now. Lawrence couldn’t focus on the pensioners for long enough to make it stop. All he could focus on was how good it felt to have Neil’s mouth about his nethers. It was so unlike anything he had ever felt before, even from women who had done the same. It was much like the kiss, strange and uncomfortable and wrong yet totally exciting and new. It felt so good that for a near fatal moment he eased his grip on Neil’s shoulders and he lost all sense of reason. For only a second he let the moment take him. He cried out with ecstasy, ecstasy that fuelled Neil’s fervour, pushing him further into thinking that Lawrence wanted it all, wanted all he could give him.

Less than a minute later Neil had released Lawrence and had retreated to remove his t-shirt, pants and boxer shorts, ending up completely naked before him. His body was as buff and as rippled as the men who lived in the posters upon the walls. He was not so oiled as they were but his skin had a tanned, darkened sheen to it. Lawrence, out of mere curiosity, reached out and stroked Neil’s six-pack. It was hard to the touch but, like the rest of his body, intimately warm. And of course, this curiosity only caused Neil to further believe that Lawrence wanted his body and wanted to make love to him on a man to man basis. Lawrence was, much to his discredit, only seeing what the six pack felt like as he had never had one himself. It was mere curiosity. He was not large or in any way obese, he was actually rather slim, but although he exercised and ate a healthy diet he could never seem to achieve any muscle tone and he was always envious of men like Neil, men with  perfect, well defined abs. But, alas, as has been mentioned, his curiosity only drew him further into the web from which he was attempting to escape.

Once again he felt Neil’s lips against his and he became confused. Did he actually want to do this? It was exciting and different and certainly something new… It would be an experience for sure. If he never did such a thing again, if in the end he didn’t like it, then so be it. It wasn’t the end of the world if he went through with it but at least he would be sure if he didn’t like it. At least he could tell himself he had given it a go. If he didn’t go through with it, on the other hand, would he regret it? Would he always wonder what it would have been like to lie with another man? Would the fact that he hadn’t gone through with it plague him for the rest of his days? And what of Marie? Could he go through with this knowing that she was the one he really wanted to be with. Could he still be with her after such a thing or would the knowledge that he did it all the while knowing that he loved her drive him into madness? Would he ever be able to look her in the eye? Lawrence didn’t know the answer to any of these questions but he still had to make the choice. He had to decide what to do before it was too late. Neil was already removing his shirt and he was now almost completely naked. Within moments he would be on the bed and making love with another man. Then there would be no going back. The choice had to be made.

Lawrence hesitated and in that second he allowed Neil to guide him to the bed. It was comfortable but it creaked under his weight. He tried to lie on his back but Neil just laughed and kissed his lip before helping him to turn around so that was on all fours, his bottom raised in the air and ready for the taking. He then watched, worrying and wondering what to do as Neil crossed the room and took a bottle of something from beside the sink. This was it… The moment. Lawrence had to make the decision. He felt the bed creak as Neil climbed back onto it behind him. He had only seconds… Did he want this? Did he want to be with Marie? Could he do this and still be with Marie? He felt Neil rub something oily and tingling on his hole and looked around to see him applying the same substance onto himself. He then clasped his hands around the side of Lawrence’s buttocks and moved himself into position. Lawrence felt him, pressing hard against the skin of his crack, only inches away from penetration. Now was the moment… Lawrence had to decide…

“STOP!” he shouted. “STOP JUST STOP…” Neil pulled away, looking distressed.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” Neil asked.
“I can’t do this… I don’t want to do this!” Lawrence made a grab for his clothes and pulled them on in a hurry. He didn’t dare look at Neil, all naked and forlorn on the edge of the bed. In less than a minute he had pulled on his coat and scarf and was reaching for his shoes.
“We don’t have to do it like that if you really don’t want to,” Neil promised. “We could… do something else!” Lawrence paid him no heed. He just put on his shoes and opened the door into the corridor.
“I’m sorry…” he said at last, not turning around.
And then he ran far away from Neil and Reichel and out into the cold, biting December blizzard where the tears that began to flow froze against his face. There was only one place he wanted to go, one person he wanted to see now. There was only one person he wanted to be with. Marie was across the city on Caeleppa but Lawrence would battle all the way there. He knew she was worth it. He would explain everything and then… Who knew?

Meanwhile, Neil sat alone and naked on the edge of the bed in the exact same position from where he had watched Lawrence pull on his clothes and depart. He did not cry. He was too upset to cry. There had been men before and there would probably be men in the future but none of them would be Lawrence. They would not have the same wit or style or charisma. Nobody would make him feel as Lawrence did. Neil loved Lawrence but after that night he knew Lawrence would never love him in return. He knew the only thing he could do was move on but he also knew that he would never stop loving Lawrence until the day he died…

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